I don’t recognize myself when I look back. Just another person in the crowd with a 9-to-5 office job that I didn’t totally hate on good days. I had a house I was working on paying off in a small suburb outside of the city. I did yard work on the weekends and I got by on microwave meals more often than I’d admit for the sake of my pride. I even helped my neighbors, the Jenkins, build their kids a swing set once. I kept to myself a good deal, but people didn’t mind that. No one minds the quiet neighbor.

Looking back, I know I was never meant for that kind of life, but I knew no other way. I called that place my home. I knew I couldn’t hurt anyone there. I had taken precautions every month to make sure I couldn’t cause trouble. I didn’t live in fear of myself or others. What more could someone like me ask for?

I knew I wasn’t happy. I didn’t lie to myself that much, but it took meeting Jay for me to really realize. We knew we were the same almost instantly when we bumped into each other in that coffee shop, but of course neither of us said anything. I remember staring as they rushed out a little too quickly. 

For a moment, I just stood there in shock until the barista calling out my name for my tea broke me out of it. I quickly took it and thanked her before rushing after the stranger.“Hey! Wait up!” I called out to Jay as I caught sight of them walking away from the shop.

When they heard me, Jay ducked into a nearby alley to avoid me. It didn’t work as I followed them. I was curious what they were up to. Once Jay realized it was a dead end, they turned around with their hands up to face me. “Look, I don’t mean any trouble. Just trying to find a place to live and stuff. I didn’t know it was your territory,” they ramble.

“Trouble?” I cocked my head in confusion at them. “I just wanted to say hi. I haven’t really met someone like us around here.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m just used to some … less friendly greetings when I first move somewhere.” They reached up to comb back where their loose red hair draped over their face. The nervousness I could smell rolling off of them started to fade as they smiled up at me.

“No, it’s my fault. You shouldn’t just run after strangers, right?” I realized that I had been a bit too excited in the moment. Desire to not be so alone still kicks up sometimes, ya know? I remember looking around, realizing the odd sight of someone chasing someone else into an alley. “I’ve got work I should get to and you probably have stuff. Sorry for all this.”  I turned away, preparing myself to go back to my routine and leave the stranger be.

“Wait a sec.” I jerked my attention back to Jay immediately. “Maybe we could get to know each other or something. Only ones in the city should probably stick together, right?” They offered a gentle smile.

“Uh, yeah. Maybe … Do you have any plans tonight? There’s a really good pizza joint down the block from here, Danny’s.” Jay’s presence started to feel comfortable and I was hating the idea of going to sit in my cubicle for eight hours after this.

“Sounds nice. How’s 7:30?” And just like that we hit it off. Jay became my closest friend. We quickly got to know each other. Jay had moved to the city to take a position at a local art gallery. I listened to them ramble about their own art and the honor of the position to be able to work with so many talented artists. They didn’t really talk about their past, but neither did I.It was a silent agreement between us that none of that mattered. All that mattered was we didn’t feel so alone.

I always admired Jay for their passion. It took me months to convince them to let me see any of their work. While I’ve never known much about all of that stuff, it didn’t take a genius to see how beautiful all of it was. A passion of forms, colors, and shading. At first glance the canvases almost seemed random and sloppy, but everything belonged there. The more you stare the more sure you were that this is exactly how everything should be.

While my full moons were like clock work, Jay’s were a lot like their paintings. Almost sloppy and a fit of passion versus my methodical nature. I would leave work early since I would be more on edge than usual. When I got home I went down to my basement that I had taken great care to soundproof and secure. A fool proof plan that I had perfected. 

Jay enjoyed the time under the moon outdoors. Some time before night fall, they would drive out of the city into the desert and rest in the fading colors of the sunset. It was some of their favorite colors. Sometimes they’d wake up far from their truck and have to track their way back. The next time we met they’d always have a new idea to capture in their art from the foggy memories of the nights.

I have always been the tired type after the moon, but Jay was relaxed every time. In a similar way they were after finishing a long project. Glad to have it out of their system and ready to move onto the next thing.

One day Jay texted me randomly during the day, basically demanding we have dinner together tonight at their loft. I didn’t even have a chance to knock on their door before it was yanked open and I was met with a childish grin on my friend’s face. Obviously they smelled and heard me before I even got to the door.

“What’s going on?” I greeted as I walked in, already having to step over a discarded easel on the ground near the entrance.

“I have some awesome news!” They had a hop in their step as they circled me happily. “So I made dinner to celebrate. I made sure to get the cut of meat you like from that butcher downtown,” Jay rambled happily.

I chuckled at their energy as I made my way into their kitchen, following the scent of cooked food. “Smells great. What’s the special occasion?”

As they moved ahead of me to gather food and put it on the table for us, Jay spoke. “So you know how I was talking about the Gagosian Gallery in New York that is going to be having a highlight event of upcoming artists?”

“Yeah, you submitted some of your work for that right?” I snagged a green bean off the plate they carried past me, earning a swat on the hand.

“Hey! Wait until dinner, you thief!” They scolded me with a playful glare. “Yes that one.” Jay continued to walk around, adjusting little things to release some of their excitement. “Well I heard back from them and they’re interested in featuring some of my art!”

“Really?!” I straightened up from where I had been leaning against the counter. “That’s awesome Jay!” As I held out my arms to give them a hug, Jay jumped into my embrace.

“I couldn’t wait to tell you!” They squealed happily as we broke our embrace.

“So, when is it?”

“Next week. They’re going to be flying me up there to work with their coordinator for the event and a bunch of other artists. I get to be there for the opening night the week after that.” There had been a resting grin on their face.

I started to fill in the timeline in my head. “Jay … that’s like two weeks. Cutting it pretty close to the full moon.” The concern in my tone was obvious.

Jay just rolled their eyes with a smile. “I’ll be back with plenty of time. I can’t just give up this amazing opportunity because of this.” They gestured to themself as they spoke.

To this day I remember that exact feel I had, like I was silly. Jay was an adult. They could take care of themself. Plus they were right. In that moment I dismissed all the paranoia and fear in me. We enjoyed the night of bliss together. Jay rambled on more about their work, but did make sure to ask me about my day and how work was going. If I had known what would happen, I would have relished each light laugh under the fading light from the sun through the windows we shared.

I wish it had been my fault. I wish I could track it down to my own mistakes, but I can’t. I did everything I could to not get too much attention. I always made sure not to hurt anyone. I always kept myself contained. I want to blame Jay, but I can’t. They were brave enough to chase their dreams. It’s not their fault that someone had been onto them. Sometimes you don’t always remember what happens during the full moon. They probably wouldn’t have remembered someone following them out there. I guess people are just curious. Mysteries were made to be solved and we’re one of those.

It was almost midnight. I had been staying up to finish up a new TV series that had just come out. Lots of time I get obsessive over something leading up to the full moon. It’s always been a good distraction. Something smelled weird so I went to my front window to see if there was anything outside. Still and unmoving, there was a figure right in front of my window. I stumbled back in surprise, but the figure didn’t even flinch. In panic, I sat on my floor in front of the door for a moment. I had no idea what to do.

It was as I was sitting there that I was able to get past the odd smell of chemicals and maybe some kind of silver that had assaulted my senses. Jay. I could smell Jay, without a doubt. Jumping to my feet, I pulled back the blinds again. I had been right. It was Jay. Their outline looked hunched over and cold.

Without a second thought, I threw open my front door and rushed to my friend. They didn’t seem to register that I was there. “Jay?” I called out cautiously, reaching out a hand towards them.

As they turned to face me, their sunken eyes and bruise covered face was revealed. “Oh god,” I mumbled in shock. “Jay? What happened to you?” Taking hold of both of their elbows, I turn Jay to face me.

Only a groan escapes them, moving without protest. “Let’s get you inside.” I guided my friend back to my door. Before I closed the door behind us, I noticed Jay’s truck wasn’t there. They must have walked here, but that would have been at least 4 miles from their loft. 

As I carefully lowered them onto my couch, I finally took in their full appearance. I didn’t recognize the plain white clothes they were wearing. Now in a close space with them, it was obvious the smell of chemicals and faint silver was coming off of them. I feared the possibility of whatever injuries the dirty clothing was hiding from me. Not sure what to do, I just knelt there in front of them, watching for any recognition as they stared past me.

“Jay?” I try again to get their attention. “Do you want some water or something? Have you eaten?” I gave up trying to get an explanation out of them. Something about them was off, the scent they were giving off was muddled and barely the same.

Not waiting for a response, I stood up and headed to my kitchen to get something for Jay. I remember hearing a faint cracking noise from the other room. “You okay, Jay?” I asked before turning around. “Jesus Christ,” I almost shout in surprise as Jay looms behind me. “You didn’t have to get up. I was bringing it back to you.”

At that moment, a car drives by outside. The passing headlights through my windows shine onto Jay’s face. I stumble back, dropping the glass of water I had in one hand and running slightly into the counter behind me. Bones were poking against the skin of their face at odd angles, stuck between two forms. The deadly canines were at home in a warped human mouth instead of the animalistic one they belonged to. “Jay?” I asked cautiously, not sure anymore if my friend was still all there.

The low and aggressive growl in response told me everything I needed to know. When they launched towards me, I fell to the floor to avoid their growing claws. I barely had a chance to get to my feet when a heavy mass slammed into me. We tumbled back onto the floor. Foam started to seep from Jay’s mouth and threatened to fall down on me as they tried to pin me down. “Jay!” I shouted this time, hoping for any chance they would stop.

I almost gagged at the overwhelming strength of the smell of silver now. As Jay began an onslaught of bites at me, I held them away by pushing my forearm against their neck. “Jay, stop this!” I begged. My voice was hoarse and cut off with a scream of pain. A pair of claws scrapped down my arms as Jay attempted to get closer to me.

It was life or death. That’s what I always remind myself. It wasn’t Jay that was attacking me. It was a monster. That monster wanted to kill me. I knew that I couldn’t just hold them off until something changed. It was self defense. I would have died.

I shifted the best I could while pinned to the ground, before kicking for the partially shifted bones in Jay’s legs. I used all the strength I could muster, relying on the lingering aggression of the full moon soon coming. With a sickening crack, my friend let out a broken mix of a howl and scream in pain. It hurt to hear them in pain. I had to focus on getting free. Taking the chance to squirm out from under Jay as they leaned back to clutch their leg, I stumbled out of the kitchen.

Knowing I only had a moment until Jay would be back after me, I sprinted towards my basement. It was my last hope. If I could get Jay in there, then it would be okay. I had only just grazed the door handle when two clawed hands dug into my arms and yanked me away from it.

I landed on my hands and knees. Jay’s weight fell on top of me. Their grip tightened and I started to panic. Before they could sink their teeth in my neck like I was sure they were ready to do, I threw my head back. There was a crunch noise as my head started to ache from the impact. 

Taking the opportunity of Jay stumbling back slightly, but not letting go, I got my feet under me and tried to throw us both back into the close wall of the hallway. There’s a heavy thud before we both fall limply to the ground again.

I lay there exhausted for a moment, too tired to move and just waiting for Jay to rip out my throat. That never happened. Jay never moved. Slowly I crawled out from under their dead weight. I already knew the answer before I saw it, but I hoped I was wrong.

Blood poured down the back of Jay’s head and neck. It must have perfectly hit the corner of the thermostat. There wasn’t really a moment of shock. I quickly pulled Jay into my arms, hoping for something, anything. I stared desperately into their eyes. “Jay?” My voice broke. “Jay, I’m so sorry. Please Jay,” I plead.

Their eyes were distant and unfocused. I knew they were dead. Still I sat there on my floor, cover in blood and clutching their body. I cried. I cried harder than I ever had.

I’m surprised I noticed anything over my own sobs, but there’s a deep instinct to survive that just can’t be covered up. The smell of pure silver, leather, and gunpowder. It was distant, but I knew what it was. Hunters. I glanced down at Jay’s body. It was only then that a flashing light on their wrist caught my eye. A bracelet. “Those hunters. Where they--” I almost started to ask Jay. They couldn’t answer, but I could guess. 

There was a loud bang and the splintering of wood as my back door was kicked in. Heavy footfalls flooded my senses along with the scents of at least half a dozen hunters. For a moment I didn’t move, I couldn’t leave Jay. It felt wrong to do that, but what choice did I have. Life or death. Yet again my choice was simple in the moment. Survive.

Stumbling to my feet, I rushed towards the front door. I could tell there weren’t any hunters out there. Unlike the back of my house that was surrounded by woods, the front was well lit and neighbors could easily see. I grabbed my bag I used for work and my car keys as I ran out.

Before the hunters could do anything, I was in my car and driving. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. So I drove and I drove until I ended up in the desert. Any composure I still had left me as I put my car in park. I couldn’t just sit in my car. The scent of blood and off silver made me feel like I would choke. I stumbled out of it and collapsed onto the sandy dirt. 

The next few days are a blur. I stayed out in the desert. I barely drank or ate anything until the full moon. Out under the stars, I howled for Jay. In that moment I understood them more than I ever had. I understood too late. I woke up the morning after, cleaner than I had been. I was laying by a creek bed somewhere in the desert.There was the remains of some rabbits or something nearby. Seems like my instinct to keep myself alive had done me a few favors.

Led by mostly just a feeling, I managed to find my way back to my car. Just like Jay had always said, “Part of you knows where you’ve been. It’s not so hard to find your way back if you just pay attention.” I put on the change of clothes I had and wiped off the sand and dirt the best I could.

Hesitantly, I started to drive home. I had no idea what I would find there, but I didn’t expect the police tape and cop cars. I didn’t stop. Instinct yet again taking over. I kept driving because I knew that I couldn’t explain that night to the police. I can’t even imagine what explanation they might have come up with for the state of Jay’s body. It was clear they weren’t human.

Was I some kind of wanted criminal or something? I did kill Jay. After staying away for awhile and keeping an eye on the news, I found out that the case had been handled by the FBI. There was no talk of Jay’s deformed body or even a mention of authorities looking for me. A few weeks and it all died down. The news had other things to talk about that were more exciting.

I didn’t want to go back to my house even if I could. So I left it behind. With nothing but what was in my car, I moved. A small town that was practically just desert. I was a curious sight for everyone, but I made good first impressions. Got a job at the local diner and bought an old house on the outskirts of the town that was a little worse for wear.

It was while I was working that two men came in and sat directly in front of where I was working behind the counter. “What can I help you with?” I asked politely.

“Well, we wanted to talk to you about Jay Whitaker,” one man speaks calmly while the other places a badge of some kind in front of me.

I went stiff at the name. It had been almost 2 months since I’d heard it. Glancing at the door, I wondered if I could outrun these men. “No need to panic,” the other speaks up. “Just wanted to make sure you didn’t know anything we didn’t. Thought it would be kind to give you some time to process and recover before we came to visit.”

“Who are you?” The suspicion was clear in my voice.

“We are the authority for people like us. Can’t have humans getting too involved in our matters. Otherwise we wouldn’t be a secret.”

I looked up at them with surprise. “You’re like me?” I try to smell for them, but it doesn’t click. Something’s different about them.

“Yes,” one states simply. The other notices my sniffing.

“Well, not exactly like you.” He opened his mouth partially and fangs popped down into view. It was only for a moment before he quickly shut his mouth again as one of my coworkers walked past me.

“Right, well that’s not important.” They glared at each other for a moment. “We just need to know if you have any information about the hunters that did that to your friend and came after you.”

“They were human,” I stared almost in shock.

“We are well aware of that. Human or not. That treatment of any species is not tolerated. Did your friend tell you anything about them before … what happened? Did you get a look at any of them?”

I shook my head. “No. Jay was completely out of it when they got to my place. They didn’t say anything. All I know is that their scent was overwhelmed by chemicals and silver. Oh and the clothes they were in weren’t theirs. I didn’t recognize them.”

“And then?” one of them pushed for more.

“Fisher,” the other scolded.

“It’s alright. Jay seemed to partially shift somehow. Went a bit wild and attacked me. I tried to get them to my basement where they couldn’t hurt anyone, but …”

“They hit their head before you could?” the gentler of the two offered.

“I made them hit their head,” I corrected. I was nervous. If these men did have authority like they claimed, I just confessed to killing Jay to someone that could make me pay.

“Listen, we’re not here for you. We’re after the fuckers that did this to Jay and chased you out of your home. If you don’t have anything specific, we’ll let you get back to work.” Fisher seemed annoyed with me.

“Call us if you remember anything. We’re sorry to bother you at work.” The other set down a business card as both men stood up and got ready to leave.

“Wait,” I reached out desperately to grab Fisher’s arm. Part of his lip raised, revealing fangs as a warning. I quickly let go. “There is one thing. A bracelet or something. It started to flash when the hunters showed up.”

Fisher looked over to his partner before looking back to me. “You’re certain it wasn’t Jay’s?”

“Absolutely. Jay didn’t like jewelry. It got in the way when they were painting.” I smiled at the memory of them ranting about a piece that had gotten ruined once when a loose necklace their mother had given ran across the wet paint.

The other man nodded. “And the hunters showed up after it started blinking?”

“It wasn’t blinking earlier, not while we were struggling. I would have noticed.” Fisher almost smirked as I spoke.

“Perfect. Thank you for your help. This should be very useful to us,” Fisher spoke as he gave me a quick handshake. Both men were ready to leave again.

“We’ll be sure to tell you when we get the people that did this. Thank you,” the other assured me as Fisher walked away.

“Wait, you really think you can find them?”

“It’s what we do.” He smiled confidently. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

I watched them leave, still in shock. I heard rumors of people that looked out for us, but I assumed it was just hopeful thinking. All I really cared about now was Jay. The people that did this to them wouldn’t get to hurt anyone else.

“Vampires,” I mumbled in shock as I got back to my work.

“What?” one of my coworkers stopped and looked at me confused.

“Oh, nothing.” I turned and went to another table to get their order before she could say anything else. There’s a faint but real smile on my face. It feels odd, but good again.