As I watched this once confident man move around so cautiously, I started to really understand how much he had changed. He looks around before each step, as if this hadn’t been his room for the past 10 years. This had been our home not long ago. I still remember the calm mornings we would share on the porch with our parents. I sat patiently as Caleb finally made his way to the chair opposite me.

“How have you been?” I asked gently. He still jumped at the noise, like he forgot I was there if he wasn’t looking at me.

“I- I’ve been okay. I’ve been eating better, and sleeping more, and I’m learning to write again,” Caleb answered methodically, a pause between each statement to think. It seemed more like reciting than a conversation, like those were things he had heard someone say but he didn’t quite understand the words himself.

“How has the farm been?” I brought up the farm. They were always something he could go on for hours about. This life had been something he’d loved since we were kids. As I watched him hesitate, I added, “I saw Beauty running around in the pasture again. She looks good.” I hadn’t been sure if bringing up his horse was a good idea, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Um, Beauty has been running a lot better since the accident. She had to do water therapy for a while. I could go with her at first. I didn’t want her to go alone, though, so I convinced Tyrik to go with her.” A smile actually crossed Caleb’s face. I almost let out a sigh of relief. I recognized the look in his eyes again. “At first, he just tried telling me what happened afterwards, but I asked too many questions.” He laughed a little to himself. “The next time he just let me be on the phone with him while it happened. Then I got to talk to the doc too.” I realized I had been partially right, watching him relax gradually as he spoke. “I keep forgetting what the accident was,” he said, suddenly confused. His brows furrowed as he thought. I wasn’t sure what to do at that point. ‘Should I explain what happened to him and Beauty?’

Before I could respond, Tyrik entered the room. “I think that’s enough visiting for now, babe,” he said sweetly to Caleb. A smile took back over my brother’s features at the sight of his husband. “Jess, let’s let Caleb get some rest before dinner, alright?”

I nodded and stood up to follow him. When I glanced back, Caleb was getting up and moving towards his bed. He moves the same way as before: scared. Once we were out of the room and heading downstairs, I spoke up to Tyrik, “He moves like a lame horse. Each step looks planned, but cautious. Like he’s afraid he’s going to fall with every step.”

Tyrik looked at me for a second. I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed with me or not. “He’s lucky to be alive after the accident. I won’t be picky with how he moves.”

“He doesn’t remember the accident?”

“His doctor said it might happen because of the brain damage. His short-term memory is spotty,” Tyrik explained slowly. “He might remember eventually.” The way he spoke made it sound like it wasn’t up for discussion to tell Caleb about what happened. We walked side by side to the kitchen. He started to gather ingredients from the fridge.

“He seems so different,” I eventually mumbled.

“He is,” is all he offered as a response, not looking away from his work on the counter.

“Is it hard sometimes? … That he doesn’t remember everything?”

“Not as hard as it would be if I had lost him.”